can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
