so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
