What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
