it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
