i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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