I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
