eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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