we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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