Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
