I hate all girls vehemently.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
my god I love twenty year old dicks
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
