Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
