listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
