she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
