Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
