So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
