dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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