i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
