On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
