Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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