Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
