you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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