Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
