he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
