Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
