I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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