I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
