wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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