just come out here and I will go home with you...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
