It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
