I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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