Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
