hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
