I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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