So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
