dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
