We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
