it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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