im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Randomize
