It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
