Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
