i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
