Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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