Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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