I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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