He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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