I'm going to jail i love you
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
