saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
