who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
God, I missed his penis.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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