My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
