yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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