WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The power of my boobs compel you
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
