I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
