My friends, they love my intelligence
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
