i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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