Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
