so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
