i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have demons in me.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
